I wrote this on July 13, 2010.
After class, I went to Mandarin to visit Nanay and to, again, check on her. While on my way, the two ladies seating in front of me on the jeepney were talking about death and the financial benefits that comes with it. They were holding some papers. I suppose that those were death certificates because the lady said to the other, “Titignan ko kung kelan siya namatay.” Then she went through the papers that she was holding. At first, I wasn’t really minding them, but after some time, I remembered my dream last night. There was this boy who had a terminal disease. He was dying and I hugged him. Then we both looked at the happy people around us. I thought myself, “Why is death always the topic?” I remembered Nanay, but I just shook the idea off my head. When I reached Checkpoint, I waited for my Dad to arrive. Then he came. When I was comfortably seated on the car, Daddy said, “Neory, bad news.” I paused for a while. I knew what was coming but I still asked him, “Bakit?” Then he replied, “Iiyak ka na. (Pause) Patay na si Nanay.” The news didn’t sink in immediately. There were no tears on my eyes then I asked, “Kelan?” with a straight face. I was looking very far ahead feeling numb. He told me that Nanay passed away at 10 in the morning. He said that the exact time was not clear. When they got to our house by 10:20am, Nanay was already dead. I also asked him where the body of Nanay is, then he told me that it was in the Key of Heaven Funeral Homes in G.M.A. When I already digested the heartbreaking news, my eyes clouded with tears. Soon, my tears were falling heavily. I cried until we reached our house in Sunshine Homes by 2pm, but I tried not to make a sound. I was just crying silently. They told me that they didn’t text me about it because they knew that I have an exam. They also don’t want to cry while I am on the jeepney. I understood them, because I know, I will cry upon hearing that.
I posted the news in Facebook. “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. We already lost Nanay. I was four hours late.” My friends who have read the news immediately texted me. I was thankful for their condolences and concern. I waited until 4pm before leaving our house in Sunshine, then I went to our townhouse where Nanay’s funeral will be held. While I was walking, rain started pouring. I said to myself, “Ang malas ko naman. Umulan pa.” Then I later realized, that maybe, just maybe, the heavens are also in grief because of our loss. All the while, I was thinking about Nanay, so I started crying with rain falling from the sky. Upon reaching the main road, I saw the “Ambulance” of Key of Heaven Funeral Homes. Some bystanders who also saw the ambulance commented, “Ang dami namang namamatay ngayon.” I was still crying until I reached our townhouse. The silvery things that are used in a funeral were being brought down. Then, Nanay’s coffin came down next. Upon seeing it, I cried again. I can’t believe that Nanay was lying there already, and she’s dead, and I can’t be with her anymore. When her coffin was properly placed on the living room already, I stood beside it. I just looked at Nanay with tears flowing from my eyes for about thirty minutes. I actually didn’t notice the time because of the thoughts running in my head. Just two days ago, I sent out messages to my friends. Here’s the message.
“Please pray for Nanay (my Lola). She's suffering from kidney complications but she can't undergo dialysis because of her body's weakness. She's also having a hard time talking right now. Please pray for her strength. Please pray that she'll be strong again. Please pray that we'll have Nanay back to her old self again. I know your prayers will be of great help. I'll appreciate it so much if you would. Thank you.”
And now, she’s gone. Then I remembered the mother of Noel when she asked me, “Kamusta na Lola mo?” I wasn’t able to contain my feelings then I burst out with tears, “Wala na po siya.” Losing someone that you love hurts like hell. Nanay is gone and she won’t be able to attend my party anymore. She told that she will be going to my party. She told me that she’ll speak in front of everyone, give her gift to me, and tell me her wish for me. My dreams of spending some of my first salary for her and going to other places with her will remain dreams forever. I actually can’t explain how painful this is for me. Everytime I tell myself that Nanay’s gone, I lose much of my energy. But deep inside me, I know that death is inevitable. Each one of us, in God’s own time, will die someday. I know that I should be strong and that I should accept the fact that I will not see her for now, but I know that someday, we’ll meet again in heaven and when that time comes, I will be so happy.
After class, I went to Mandarin to visit Nanay and to, again, check on her. While on my way, the two ladies seating in front of me on the jeepney were talking about death and the financial benefits that comes with it. They were holding some papers. I suppose that those were death certificates because the lady said to the other, “Titignan ko kung kelan siya namatay.” Then she went through the papers that she was holding. At first, I wasn’t really minding them, but after some time, I remembered my dream last night. There was this boy who had a terminal disease. He was dying and I hugged him. Then we both looked at the happy people around us. I thought myself, “Why is death always the topic?” I remembered Nanay, but I just shook the idea off my head. When I reached Checkpoint, I waited for my Dad to arrive. Then he came. When I was comfortably seated on the car, Daddy said, “Neory, bad news.” I paused for a while. I knew what was coming but I still asked him, “Bakit?” Then he replied, “Iiyak ka na. (Pause) Patay na si Nanay.” The news didn’t sink in immediately. There were no tears on my eyes then I asked, “Kelan?” with a straight face. I was looking very far ahead feeling numb. He told me that Nanay passed away at 10 in the morning. He said that the exact time was not clear. When they got to our house by 10:20am, Nanay was already dead. I also asked him where the body of Nanay is, then he told me that it was in the Key of Heaven Funeral Homes in G.M.A. When I already digested the heartbreaking news, my eyes clouded with tears. Soon, my tears were falling heavily. I cried until we reached our house in Sunshine Homes by 2pm, but I tried not to make a sound. I was just crying silently. They told me that they didn’t text me about it because they knew that I have an exam. They also don’t want to cry while I am on the jeepney. I understood them, because I know, I will cry upon hearing that.
I posted the news in Facebook. “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. We already lost Nanay. I was four hours late.” My friends who have read the news immediately texted me. I was thankful for their condolences and concern. I waited until 4pm before leaving our house in Sunshine, then I went to our townhouse where Nanay’s funeral will be held. While I was walking, rain started pouring. I said to myself, “Ang malas ko naman. Umulan pa.” Then I later realized, that maybe, just maybe, the heavens are also in grief because of our loss. All the while, I was thinking about Nanay, so I started crying with rain falling from the sky. Upon reaching the main road, I saw the “Ambulance” of Key of Heaven Funeral Homes. Some bystanders who also saw the ambulance commented, “Ang dami namang namamatay ngayon.” I was still crying until I reached our townhouse. The silvery things that are used in a funeral were being brought down. Then, Nanay’s coffin came down next. Upon seeing it, I cried again. I can’t believe that Nanay was lying there already, and she’s dead, and I can’t be with her anymore. When her coffin was properly placed on the living room already, I stood beside it. I just looked at Nanay with tears flowing from my eyes for about thirty minutes. I actually didn’t notice the time because of the thoughts running in my head. Just two days ago, I sent out messages to my friends. Here’s the message.
“Please pray for Nanay (my Lola). She's suffering from kidney complications but she can't undergo dialysis because of her body's weakness. She's also having a hard time talking right now. Please pray for her strength. Please pray that she'll be strong again. Please pray that we'll have Nanay back to her old self again. I know your prayers will be of great help. I'll appreciate it so much if you would. Thank you.”
And now, she’s gone. Then I remembered the mother of Noel when she asked me, “Kamusta na Lola mo?” I wasn’t able to contain my feelings then I burst out with tears, “Wala na po siya.” Losing someone that you love hurts like hell. Nanay is gone and she won’t be able to attend my party anymore. She told that she will be going to my party. She told me that she’ll speak in front of everyone, give her gift to me, and tell me her wish for me. My dreams of spending some of my first salary for her and going to other places with her will remain dreams forever. I actually can’t explain how painful this is for me. Everytime I tell myself that Nanay’s gone, I lose much of my energy. But deep inside me, I know that death is inevitable. Each one of us, in God’s own time, will die someday. I know that I should be strong and that I should accept the fact that I will not see her for now, but I know that someday, we’ll meet again in heaven and when that time comes, I will be so happy.
Post a Comment