My parents told me that Nanay was getting thinner and weaker everyday. I wanted to check on her so I came to visit her. When I entered our house, I saw Nanay. She was lying on her bed. I called out “Nay! Hello!” but she was unresponsive, it’s as if she heard nothing. I sat beside her on her bed. I tried to call her attention again by saying Nay and Nanay repeatedly. Still, no response. I panicked because her eyes were open but she’s not moving a bit! So I shook her while exclaiming “Nay. Nanay, andito ko.” Finally, she heard me and said “Oh.” That was a very short response with not much emotion. Before, whenever I visit her, she would be very happy. She would get teary-eyed because of joy upon seeing me. She would also hug and kiss me. But this time, she didn’t. It’s as if she doesn’t know me. I was saddened. My eyes clouded. I knew that my tears were about to fall, so I ran to the bathroom for her not to see my crying. After calming myself, I returned to her. I asked her, “Nay, kilala mo ba ako?” Luckily, she replied, “Oo naman.” Then I asked, “Sino ako?”, she then replied, “Si Neory.” I was relieved to know that she still know me.
Ninang came up. She told me that Nanay became like that maybe about a week and a half ago. She told me that I should make my voice louder whenever I’ll be talking to her. I showed her the invitation for my party. She wasn’t joyous to see it. I was expecting that she would smile and say “Ang ganda mo naman dito!” I guess Ninang saw my disappointment when Nanay didn’t respond, so she got the invitation, showed it to Nanay and told her in a louder voice, “Nay oh, invitation ni Neory. Sino ‘to?” She was pointing on my picture on the invitation. Nanay replied, “Si Neory.” Then Ninang asked, “Napintas?” (In tagalog, “Maganda?”) Nanay answered “Oo.” but without much awe in her tone. I was happy to hear that she agreed that I was beautiful in the picture, and at the same time, I was sad because she is already like that. Then, I showed the gold blouse that she’ll be wearing on my debut party. I said, “Nay, ito na yung isusuot mo sa party ko oh.” She didn’t respond but I kept babbling even if she’s was just staring at me. “Ang ganda no? Kasya ba ‘to sa’yo Nay? Baka malaki, ang payat mo na kasi.” While talking, tears clouded my eyes, but I did my best to keep them from falling. Then I made her wear the blouse. She was lying in bed so I wasn’t able to button the blouse (The buttons are placed on the back of blouse). So it appeared that the blouse was just placed on top of her. Then unexpectedly, Nanay said “Ano ba yan? Para namang patay.” Ninang was by my side that time, and we both laughed. I answered, “Hindi naman. Ang ganda nga eh.”
Seeing her like that hurt me so bad. I tried my best not to cry in front of her, but I just can’t help it. So, I cried. Ninang was there. She told me with tears in her eyes, “Eh ganyan talaga. Si Nanay, matanda na. Mahina na.” Nanay was staring at me while I was crying but there were no emotions in her eyes. I didn’t know what’s happening to her but I knew that she was aware of my crying. I tried to regain my composure, and I talked to her about different stuffs. I asked her about anything that I can think of. She would answer me but only with a short response. Sometimes, she would just nod in agreement or shake her head when she disagrees. Sometimes, I would repeat the question twice or thrice before I get an answer. I think that she hears my question, and that she answers that question in her head, but she was not able to deliver it by speaking because of her weakness. I also asked her, “Nanay, pupunta ka sa debut ko ah?” She answered “Oo.” Then I asked, “Kelan ba? Alam mo ba kung kalian birthday ko?” She answered, “August 8.” I was glad to know that she still remembered the date of my birthday. I told her that it will be on a Saturday, August 7, at Cabuyao, Laguna. I also reiterated to her for many times that she’ll be one of my 18 Treasures and that she’ll be giving a message, including her wishes, for me. She had always answered "yes" everytime I asked her if she will come to my party. I was happy but at the same time worried. Worried that she may not come.
After some time, I bid my goodbye. I kissed her on her cheeks and told her, “Magpalakas ka ah? Ba-bye!” Then she looked at me and raised her hand for a bit and said, “Ba-bye.”
Last June 20, I came to visit her. This was an excerpt from my blog entry on that day.
“Nanay looked fine when we got there, but she was in diapers already. She can’t walk that much anymore. She always stays in her bed. She seldom gets up and out of it. Again, it saddened me. I was wishing that she shouldn’t have slipped, fell down, and bruised her lower limbs. The accident disabled her for a quit a time now. She should have been stronger if that didn’t happen. I tried to hide my sadness and talked to her. We talked about anything, like my upcoming debut, my asthma, my studies, and Glen’s studies. I also played cards with her. Those were great moments with her. I am thankful that I had the time to spend with her.”
She was still responsive and energetic that day. I didn’t know that in just a matter of few days, she would turn into something like this. For me, she was like a robot with broken parts. I want to do everything that I can do to ‘repair’ her, and bring her life back, but I just can do nothing but cry and pray. If only I knew that that was the last time I was going to hear her laughter, I should have not went home. I should have stayed with her and spent more time with her. If only I could bring back time. I can’t prevent my tears from falling. I don’t want to think about death but it is surfacing. I know that her time is near, and that soon, she will be in heaven with Tatay. I know that soon, I’ll have to face the truth that she’ll no longer be here by my side. She will no longer be here to take care of me when I am sick, to play cards with me, to talk to me about crazy stuffs, and to love me as if I am the most special grandchild in the world. Nanay is not rich. She rarely gave me expensive gifts, but she always try her best to give me “something” every occasion. I really appreciate those little gifts from her because I know that even if she doesn’t have a lot of money, she still manages to think about giving me a token to make me happy.
Ninang came up. She told me that Nanay became like that maybe about a week and a half ago. She told me that I should make my voice louder whenever I’ll be talking to her. I showed her the invitation for my party. She wasn’t joyous to see it. I was expecting that she would smile and say “Ang ganda mo naman dito!” I guess Ninang saw my disappointment when Nanay didn’t respond, so she got the invitation, showed it to Nanay and told her in a louder voice, “Nay oh, invitation ni Neory. Sino ‘to?” She was pointing on my picture on the invitation. Nanay replied, “Si Neory.” Then Ninang asked, “Napintas?” (In tagalog, “Maganda?”) Nanay answered “Oo.” but without much awe in her tone. I was happy to hear that she agreed that I was beautiful in the picture, and at the same time, I was sad because she is already like that. Then, I showed the gold blouse that she’ll be wearing on my debut party. I said, “Nay, ito na yung isusuot mo sa party ko oh.” She didn’t respond but I kept babbling even if she’s was just staring at me. “Ang ganda no? Kasya ba ‘to sa’yo Nay? Baka malaki, ang payat mo na kasi.” While talking, tears clouded my eyes, but I did my best to keep them from falling. Then I made her wear the blouse. She was lying in bed so I wasn’t able to button the blouse (The buttons are placed on the back of blouse). So it appeared that the blouse was just placed on top of her. Then unexpectedly, Nanay said “Ano ba yan? Para namang patay.” Ninang was by my side that time, and we both laughed. I answered, “Hindi naman. Ang ganda nga eh.”
Seeing her like that hurt me so bad. I tried my best not to cry in front of her, but I just can’t help it. So, I cried. Ninang was there. She told me with tears in her eyes, “Eh ganyan talaga. Si Nanay, matanda na. Mahina na.” Nanay was staring at me while I was crying but there were no emotions in her eyes. I didn’t know what’s happening to her but I knew that she was aware of my crying. I tried to regain my composure, and I talked to her about different stuffs. I asked her about anything that I can think of. She would answer me but only with a short response. Sometimes, she would just nod in agreement or shake her head when she disagrees. Sometimes, I would repeat the question twice or thrice before I get an answer. I think that she hears my question, and that she answers that question in her head, but she was not able to deliver it by speaking because of her weakness. I also asked her, “Nanay, pupunta ka sa debut ko ah?” She answered “Oo.” Then I asked, “Kelan ba? Alam mo ba kung kalian birthday ko?” She answered, “August 8.” I was glad to know that she still remembered the date of my birthday. I told her that it will be on a Saturday, August 7, at Cabuyao, Laguna. I also reiterated to her for many times that she’ll be one of my 18 Treasures and that she’ll be giving a message, including her wishes, for me. She had always answered "yes" everytime I asked her if she will come to my party. I was happy but at the same time worried. Worried that she may not come.
After some time, I bid my goodbye. I kissed her on her cheeks and told her, “Magpalakas ka ah? Ba-bye!” Then she looked at me and raised her hand for a bit and said, “Ba-bye.”
Last June 20, I came to visit her. This was an excerpt from my blog entry on that day.
“Nanay looked fine when we got there, but she was in diapers already. She can’t walk that much anymore. She always stays in her bed. She seldom gets up and out of it. Again, it saddened me. I was wishing that she shouldn’t have slipped, fell down, and bruised her lower limbs. The accident disabled her for a quit a time now. She should have been stronger if that didn’t happen. I tried to hide my sadness and talked to her. We talked about anything, like my upcoming debut, my asthma, my studies, and Glen’s studies. I also played cards with her. Those were great moments with her. I am thankful that I had the time to spend with her.”
She was still responsive and energetic that day. I didn’t know that in just a matter of few days, she would turn into something like this. For me, she was like a robot with broken parts. I want to do everything that I can do to ‘repair’ her, and bring her life back, but I just can do nothing but cry and pray. If only I knew that that was the last time I was going to hear her laughter, I should have not went home. I should have stayed with her and spent more time with her. If only I could bring back time. I can’t prevent my tears from falling. I don’t want to think about death but it is surfacing. I know that her time is near, and that soon, she will be in heaven with Tatay. I know that soon, I’ll have to face the truth that she’ll no longer be here by my side. She will no longer be here to take care of me when I am sick, to play cards with me, to talk to me about crazy stuffs, and to love me as if I am the most special grandchild in the world. Nanay is not rich. She rarely gave me expensive gifts, but she always try her best to give me “something” every occasion. I really appreciate those little gifts from her because I know that even if she doesn’t have a lot of money, she still manages to think about giving me a token to make me happy.
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